How to Apologize Correctly

Jan 25, 2024

By Julie Sies

Certified Leadership & Life Coach

Researchers have found that there are two steps in making an apology

Correctly so that resolves the offense and results in stronger relationships.

First, you need to love yourself enough to forgive yourself.

Then, you have the opportunity to apologize correctly. Let’s explore both of these concepts!

When appropriate, forgive yourself.

Most of us are pretty hard on ourselves. We are instructed in the Bible to love others as we love ourselves--but there lies the problem. We don't love ourselves at all. We are critical, hard-hearted, and see all our faults painfully clear. If you want to get better at forgiving others, start by forgiving yourself. Self-love and acceptance are at the heart of being able to forgive others. Make sure you are good with yourself!

Apologize correctly.

There are six crucial steps to seek forgiveness no matter to whom you are apologizing.

First of all, state what the offense was, and why it was wrong. Say that you are sorry or apologize for the same crime. Ask for forgiveness. Don't give excuses or explanations; just ask for forgiveness. It doesn't matter if they say yes because it is a healing catalyst for you when you open the door and ask. Seek their help to be accountable when they see this behavior again. By asking for accountability, you express intentional commitment to change, and you don't want to be "let off the hook." When you are ready to listen and be vulnerable, the last step involves asking if there is anything else you need to discuss to restore the relationship.

When you develop a forgiving heart, you raise your emotional intelligence, resilience, love quotient, and the ability to lead well.

"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell." Robert Byrne

Action Step: Is there someone in your life with whom reconciliation seems impossible? Seek to understand their perspective. Maybe you'll see things differently and be able to take the next step towards peace.

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